Sports, brilliance, music, and nostalgia
what I wanna say to a person after I ask them a question and they start talking about a bunch of other shit…
Too much booty in the pants?
I love my brother, Roy. We didn’t get to spend a ton of time when we grew up together, because I was the youngest and he was the oldest, but now that he lives out in LA, we really look out for each other. He’s an amazing chef and he makes all my food, and in return, I let him use my name to get laid.
—
Chelsea Handler
Agreed, Chelsea.
AGREED.
Not at the table, Carlos!
what you guys should consider saying to your father on Father’s Day…
Love her!
Chelsea Handler
Jason, you need to figure out life is not just one big party. You can’t just drink when you’re about to host an awards show, that’s my move.
this is what I believe the inner monologue of most dogs to be…
what I wish detention would have been like at my school…
what I often spent my weekends doing when I was in High School…
Doritos, a 40 ounce, and prank calls while wearing a halloween costume!
What could be better?
Those were the days….
Sigh.
![-chelseahandler:
Chelsea: This is called an interview, okay? Pretend I’m Barbara Walters and you’reMuammar Gaddafi.
Blake: I have no idea who the hell that is.
[Chelsea temporarily dies]
Chelsea: Hopefully you’re talking about Barbara Walters.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmetazFMlB1qjsbewo1_500.gif)
Chelsea: This is called an interview, okay? Pretend I’m Barbara Walters and you’reMuammar Gaddafi.
Blake: I have no idea who the hell that is.
[Chelsea temporarily dies]
Chelsea: Hopefully you’re talking about Barbara Walters.
what I did in front of my girl to try and get her “in the mood” a little while ago…
…it didn’t work…..
She’s in bed now, and I’m on Tumblr with the rest of the sexually frustrated people.
Sigh.
My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
—
Chelsea Handler
