Sports, brilliance, music, and nostalgia
Stripping in popular culture -Chris Rock - “The Stripper Myth”
Working pays off later, laziness pays off NOW!
(via fernasty)
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon.’ Need I say more?
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Chris Rock
I mowed the lawn at a battered womens’ shelter… if you know what I mean.
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Anthony Jeselnik
B & E
Dane Cook.
Dane Cook.
“My Best Friend’s Girl.”
People say “Anthony, you can’t make fun of retarded people. You just can’t make fun of retarded people.” And I always say “No, YOU can’t make fun of retarded people…I’m awesome at it.
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Anthony Jeselnik
… my uncle Jim was a paraplegic, but then he had a stroke. Now we don’t know what to call him…
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Anthony Jeselnik
This is a little sad. I got a phone call late last night telling me that my grandmother only has a day left to live. And i don’t want this to sound cold….but I am NOT gonna pay the ransom.
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Anthony Jeselnik
Larry King, you’ve been married 8 times! You’ve got 99 problems, and bitches are ALL OF THEM!
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Anthony Jeselnik
Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I always assume she has herpes. Because that way, I don’t have to tell her about MY herpes.
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Anthony Jeselnik
I went to visit my girlfriend’s father. He wouldn’t let us sleep in the same bed. He said to me, “Sorry buddy, I don’t trust you.” I said to him, “Trust me buddy…I’m fuckin your daughter.
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Anthony Jeselnik
My mom was the worst at having to break bad news to her children. I remember i came home from school one day and she said, ‘Anthony, i don’t know how to tell you this, but i’ve been having an affair, and you can’t tell dad. I said, ‘well why not? She said because he just passed away.
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Anthony Jeselnik
I love Shakespeare. Favorite subject in school- still read Shakespeare today. People complain that it’s impractical to learn so much about Shakespeare but let me learn you something HBO- if it wasn’t for Shakespeare, I would have totally reacted when my fiancée killed herself. Now if you didn’t laugh at that one, I understand. I’m not for everybody but you should probably read more.
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Anthony Jeselnik
